Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
