I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
