my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
