I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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