my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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