i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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