birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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