My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
