you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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