Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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