a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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