she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
