"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to calm my uterus...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
