Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
