What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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