Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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