I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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