she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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