you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
