'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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