Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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