So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I want her autograph on my taint
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
