gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
