I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
