the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He kissed a someone with a penis
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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