last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize