I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
