You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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