just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
