you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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