Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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