all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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