Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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