Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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