where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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