She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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