I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think people are normalizing furries
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
