It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
