How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
