i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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