I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
