Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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