I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
