tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
