I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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