Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
