Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
