The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
