I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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