I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
