I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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