I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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