Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
handjob tips. give me some.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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