I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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