Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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