It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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