Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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