Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
