You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
