If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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