The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
