"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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