If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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