Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
