The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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