i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
