So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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