Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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