remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
