Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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