His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
