...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
